it's a beautiful day to be irish

my name is michelle marie. i am a reader and a writer; in other words, a literary literate. i'm pretty awesome at baking cookies. i have too many places to call home. i left my heart in london. music saves me every time. i would be nowhere without the people who love me. sometimes i forget how lucky i am, but in the end i know i wouldn't want any life other than this one.

leave me a comment and i'll probably friend you back. :)

So last night I went to see The Hush Sound in Ft. Lauderdale. We missed the first two openers, but the third, Steel Train, was adorable and awesome. They were all very precious (especially the lead singer and keyboardist) and sang together and they were just cute and awesome. Did I mention precious? ANYWAYS.

The Cab were up next, and I definitely enjoyed them even though I had only discovered them about a week ago, haha. They were very energetic and sounded really good, and the singer had a really good voice. I became kind of obsessed with the guitarist's hair (I think his name was Ian) because it was big and curly and fluffy and sort of bounced around when he would thrash around with his guitar ... haha. Oh! The keyboardist became multitalented and started playing the bass (or was it guitar? I can't remember)and it was awesome. Anyways, I knew some of the words to some songs which was exciting, but sadly they did not play the songs I knew/liked best. Oh well. I would definitely go see them again, at any rate.

During these two bands Sandy and Dan and I started slowly moving forward (or rather, I moved forward and they reluctantly followed me, haha) until we had moved from the very back to the relative middle. We were closer to the left side of the stage, which was where they set up Greta's keyboard. Yay!

ANYWAYS. ( Then, the Hush Sound came on! )

All in all, definitely a good show. :) Also, I thought it was interesting to see the variety of people that came to the show-- from the screaming 13-year-olds (oh Lord)* to the scene kids to the slightly geeky kids to the college kids to the ghetto-looking guy who knew all the words to every Hush Sound song and sang along very enthusiastically (he was probably my favorite, hahaha). Good times. I'm glad I went. :)


*I kept feeling so OLD. But then we kept having quite a few of these conversations:

ME/SANDY/DAN: OMG WE FEEL SO OLD.
PERSON WHO IS OLDER THAN US: How old are you?
ME/SANDY/DAN: 20...
PERSON WHO IS OLDER THAN US: Ohhh you guys are still young. I'm [insert age between 23-29 here]!
ME/SANDY/DAN: Oh. Ha. Ha ha. *GRIN*

I am so much luckier than I ever really imagined. I have cried so much tonight that I am emotionally and physically drained (and will probably pass out in my bed right after I post this), but sometimes you just gotta feel things, you know? Sometimes you've gotta get it all out there.

I am so grateful for the people that I have in my life. I know that there are a distinct number of people who will be there for me and will stick by me no matter what, no matter how weird I'm being or how upset I am. I am so grateful that there are people that truly love me for me.

I saw one of the people I love most cry for the first time tonight, and it was the scariest thing in the world. But it made me realize that all the reasons why I was upset and paranoid and sad over the summer are basically nothing in light of what love can really do. After tonight I know that yeah, there will be times when I'm sad, or hurt (because those things are never unavoidable, it's part of life)-- but I know for a fact that I will never doubt him again. It's love, okay? And no apologies for being schmoopy, because this is something that's real, and I want everyone to know it. I don't care. Because I guess, in a way, I never really realized how real it was until tonight.

I wrote this the other afternoon, and it's related but not quite. I figured I'd share because it's something that (I think) should be true for everyone.

sometimes you've just gotta be brave. sometimes you've gotta punch and kick and claw your way through life, because let's face it: it's tough sometimes. it's tough a lot of the time. but if you run and hide and cower in corners, where's that gonna get you? i'll tell you where: nowhere. but if you fight for it, if you fight for that literal or metaphorical place you want to get to, i can guarantee you that it will be worth it. the things in life that are closest to free are the things we appreciate the least, because we don't have to work for them. there is nothing in the gain that leaves us with the satisfying feeling of "yes, i did this." but when we put our entire selves into gaining something, or getting somewhere, once we're there we can look back at our journey and really see how much the end result is worth.

it's worth a whole lot.

she's not a girl who misses much
luna lovegood gen, 446 words, pg
for skweejee_me. ♥
[i'm not in many HP communities, but if any of y'all could tell me about any places where i could post this, i'd really appreciate it. :)]


( it's not that luna doesn't realize that people talk about her. )

It was right up there with Grad Nite and seeing Fall Out Boy and going to Rome for the first time and stepping into Times Square for the first time and when we made finals at Senior Zones. It was being beyond ecstatic. It was almost-crying and actual crying and yelling and screaming and jumping up and down. It was hugging your friends, it was hugging complete strangers. It was running outside, not knowing where we were going, following the noise. It was sprinting from Lewis all the way to Stonehenge, joining the masses of people pouring out of the dorms, who were running and screaming and smiling and laughing as much as we were.

We arrived at Stonehenge and it was madness, it was mayhem, it was the best craziness anyone could ask for. We were out of breath and slightly dizzy and we still couldn't stop yelling, couldn't stop screaming, couldn't stop jumping and dancing and spinning because we won, we won, we couldn't believe it, but we did and it was awesome.

Someone started chanting WE ARE! ND! and we joined in and halfway through it I stopped and looked around, taking it all in. There was something in the air last night that was, I don't know, almost tangible. I was part of something bigger and we were all in it together, and I could feel it and . . . I can't quite describe it but it was something that was truly amazing.

I love being here.

I am slightly sunburned, more than a little bit heartachy, and yet blissfully happy.

Today I drove to Pompano Beach. I got lost along the way, but then again I always do. The sky was that perfect mixture of blue and white that you see in children's book illustrations, or on wallpaper, or on television shows. Light poured through my car windows and it didn't really matter that I got lost, because my music was turned up and I was singing just as loudly and I found my way; eventually I always figure out where I'm going.

After the beach we went out to eat, and after lunch we sat in the Friday's parking lot as the sun crawled over us, across the sky.

And we talked. We sat in that parking lot and conversed, about pretty much everything we could think of. We talked about the world and we talked about life after death and we talked about conspiracies and we talked about war and we talked about peace. We talked about things that were real, we talked about things that could be real, we talked about things that we wished were real but could never actually be. And somewhere in the middle of that conversation, I looked back up at the sky and thought, This, this is how it should be, all of us together just being, well, us.

(I wanted to bottle that moment and keep it forever. I never caught fireflies when I was a kid -they don't have them in Florida, anyways- but I'm pretty sure that's the way a six-year-old feels when they capture light in a jar.)

I said goodbye to Bryan today. To tell you the truth, I don't know when the next time I'll see him will be. I've known him forever but he spreads his time out between so many people, so many things, that I'm afraid we'll lose touch. Sometimes he drives me crazy, but I'll always care about him.

And with that, the goodbyes begin. Graduation was practice; all summer was practice. This is real now. We're all leaving, we're all arriving; we're all ending, we're all starting.

Saying goodbye, it turns out, is easier than I thought it would be. That doesn't mean it hurts any less.

But I'll be okay. We're all gonna be okay.

All good books are alike in that they are truer than if they had really happened and after you are finished reading one you will feel that all that happened to you and afterwards it all belongs to you; the good and the bad, the ecstasy, the remorse and sorrow, the people and the places and how the weather was. If you can get so that you can give that to people, then you are a writer.

- Ernest Hemingway

So, I graduated.

Graduated.

It didn't hit me when we lined up outside, practically baking in the 9 AM sun. It didn't hit me when we walked in and the entire auditorium turned to look at us.

It didn't hit me when I listened to the salutatorian address. The salutatorian address that was being given by Kathryn, by one of my oldest friends. And I listened to her and I let the words sink in, chills running down my spine as she quoted great words and spoke great words. Tears blurred my vision as she spoke about teachers and family and friends that became family. And I listened.

But it still didn't hit me.

It didn't hit me while I listened to the valedictorian address. The valedictorian address that was being given by Tina, by another one of my friends. And I listened to her stories and her theories about the laws of thermodynamics (which prove very true, by the way), and I smiled at her words about commencement, about the future, about us. And I laughed along.

But it still didn't hit me.

No, it didn't really hit me that oh, look, I'm graduating from highschool until I was standing backstage at War Memorial, between Nick Roman and Briana Rose, three seconds before I walked out to get my diploma.

"Oh my God," said Nick as he stepped forward. "Oh my God," said Briana.

"This is it," I said. "Oh my God."

And then I walked out.

The stage was bright, and the only thing I remember hearing is Dean Mahon pronouncing my name wrong (again). I grinned at Kathryn and Tina as I walked past them, telling myself over and over again, don't trip don't trip don't trip.

(I didn't trip.)

And I grasped the diploma with my shaking hand, shaking Mr. Ott's with the other. I smiled for the camera. I smiled for my family. I smiled for my friends. I smiled for me.

I walked offstage.

I breathed.

And I walked back to my seat. I graduated, I thought. That was it. All it took was a mere walking across the stage and posing for a picture and not tripping and keeping my cap on straight.

But really, that's not all it is. Well, at least not to me. Graduation for me isn't leaving things behind, it's taking a summation of all four years with you.

These four years of high school, I think it's safe to say that I found myself. I found amazing friends that loved me for me, and I've said this already to most of you but I really can't thank you enough for it. You taught me that it's okay to be me, that you'll love me anyways. I look back at who I was when I graduated from eight grade and I realize how much I've changed. I'm more independent, more confident. And even though I definitely still have my faults and my weaknesses, high school and the people I've met have made me a better person, overall.

I may have complained about school. I may have complained about homework, or disagreements with friends, or teachers I didn't like, or anything. But without a doubt, it was all worth it.

It really, really was.

So, here's to the class of 2006.

I love you.

I'm going to say what I have to say, and I don't care who reads it.

This year has been one of the best years, one of the most difficult years and maybe one of the most emotional years I've had in high school. I've had days that have been wonderful, great, fantastic. I have had some awesome times with friends, times where I've felt loved and liked and accepted. And there have been days that have been downright awful, horrible, terrible. I've had times when I've felt disliked, hurt, alone. Days where it feels like nothing will ever be okay again. It's been the craziest emotional rollercoaster. But to tell you the truth, it really has been worth it. I learned a lot of things this year about myself, and a lot of things about other people that I wouldnt've known about if it hadn't been for those bad times. And then there have been the good times to pick me back up again.

And it just hit me that I'm LEAVING next year. I'm really leaving, and I'm leaving all my friends behind. I'm going in a different direction from most of my high school friends, it's really ending, I'm really going. It's not something in the far-off future anymore, it's actually sneaking up on me faster than I ever thought it would.

But the weird thing is, that even though I've dreaded this for years, I'm actually anticipating it now. Not in a bad way, like I hate it here and want to leave because of that. It's not that at all. It's because I'm, well, excited. About the future. About starting over. About new opportunities.

I'm going to miss my friends, no doubt about that. And some much more than others, no doubt about that either. I have had friends who have been amazing this year, and others who have terribly, terribly disappointed me. I'm not going to mention any names, because really, it's not my place to announce it on LiveJournal; but there are two in particular who have hurt me beyond belief and I really don't think things could ever be the same between me and them again. But I'm not going to hold grudges, and I'm not going to scratch them off of my list forever. I guess I'm just going to be relieved when we're finally apart. Which is like a huge weight off of my shoulders.

There are a handful of people at school that I am going to miss so much it hurts. Two are juniors. The rest are seniors. Some are very close to me, others not so much. And while I'm going to miss them, I realize that it's time to move on. I'm ready now. More ready than I've ever been, I think.

I know that once I leave, things won't be perfect. Who knows? Maybe I won't be perfectly happy at the beginning. Maybe I'll feel just as alone as I've felt sometimes here. But I know that with every situation, I can bring the best out of it. And that's exactly what I intend to do.

Maybe happiness didn't have to be about the big, sweeping circumstances, about having everything in your life in place. Maybe it was about stringing together a bunch of small pleasures. Wearing slippers and watching the Miss Universe contest. Eating a brownie with vanilla ice cream. Getting to level seven in Dragon Master and knowing there were twenty levels to go.

Maybe happiness was just a matter of the little upticks--the traffic signal that said "Walk" the second you got there--and downticks--the itchy tag at the back of your collar--that happened to every person in the course of a day. Maybe everybody had the same allotted measure of happiness within each day.

Maybe it didn't matter if you were a world-famous heartthrob or a painful geek. Maybe it didn't matter if your friend was possibly dying.

Maybe you just got through it. Maybe that was all you could ask for.

- Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares